Day 56 - Wanting to get everything done all at once

 Wanting to get everything done all at once. 

Not sure the best pace to move.... 

Some times I have 10-15 tabs open of projects/reading/certain things I Want to do. I think that if I just clear my day, magically I will be 'done' with everything.

Yet I am never done and I am constantly evolving and taking in new information to process it for what is best...

This is a process that takes years and years, so of course it'll never be done in a day.

Rather than trying to 'load myself up' and 'perfectly stuff myself' with information, rather it is best to breathe as self-trust and Live the Self-Correction in KNOWING that I am walking my journey to Life and rewriting all of my characters/internal reality to JUST be the character that is best for all Life as Here as the Physical. 

Core memory = when I was a kid stuffing my face with milk duds and candy on Christmas while playing video games

I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to attempt to load myself up with substances and images from candy/food and video games, abusing my body for the experience of evolving myself as the ‘special’ character and the ‘hedonist’ character, within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize/understand the simplicity of the self-forgiveness on this point of Pacing Myself as Life itself, where I move as Self-Directed Movement, No Energy-Chasing, just Self-Will

I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to be programmed by images of fast-moving/instant-gratification/consumerism, and to have accepted and allowed this greed for more and more energy/conflict/friction to be layered into the fabric of my body, until Here no Further as I release myself from the past and walk the correction breath by breath moment by moment every day walking out the quantum mind and quantum physical every day standing as LIFE and the Life-giving system of equality and oneness as Who I Am as Self-Directive Principle, in every moment. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that my ability/skill of maintaining focus, of taking on large tasks/projects and accomplishing them IS something worthy of my attention and focus and self-directiveness as this attentive power I have, and the desire I have to move efficiently and with power/force, this IS best when I come from the starting point of self-honesty, so the days where I binge-watch/listen/read content, or I do push myself to do back-to-back-to-back meetings, this IS best and this is the redefinition of self-capacity as what is best for all Life as my body and Self-Movement is able to be Here in and as the physical, moving ALL toward what is best

I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can get ‘everything done all at once’ which has been the special character of my mind-consciousness system wanting to rush and be the ‘hero’ and ‘feel accomplished’, missing the real point, that ONLY physicality is what matters, thus the real change is and will continue to be verifiable, measurable, real, quantitative, and able to stand the test of time as I am doing with my big projects I work on diligently

I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to not realize the gifts of my childhood and how I would abuse my body by over-eating, by playing games, by consuming, where now I see/realize/understand that when and as I am living the word abuse now I am able to IN THE MOMENT redefine myself and Live the Words Correction and Self-Capacity as What is Best for All, thus living the self-forgiveness and the Self-Correction to thus stand and walk as Life bringing about Life-giving systems that ensure that Life is honored always and in all ways forevermore. None of my childhood will be in vain. My Life is a testament that walking the journey to Life is 100% possible and I will do everything in my power that is practical and realistic within common sense reasoning to establish the Life-Giving Systems to support all Life always and in all ways. Day after day.

I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to feel incomplete if I have tabs/reading/projects ‘undone’ when I honestly need to take a break from work. In reality this process requires a bigger and more expansive view. Thus I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to not realize/see/understand the BEST way to view/see/express the best Living Systems, where these take space and time to walk into and as physical reality, yet in my self-honesty day after day I KNOW that I am walking these, thus no anxiousness needed, no worry/concern/obsession wasted on overthinking my process and how I do things, rather I am just Here in Breath as Self-Directive Principle and my Living Principles, doing what is best always and in all ways with common sense, pushing my capacity and enjoying the process to the best of my ability for and as what is best for all Life

When and as I notice myself desiring to do ‘everything at once’ I stop and I breathe

I realize that point by point is how the change is made and lived

I realize that daily consistent application being HERE (not worrying about the bigger picture and trying to maximize everything) is actually what is most important, because when I do this task to completion as perfection, then what is HERE thus expands and my accumulation of responsibility grows and grows, thus constancy and consistency over space and time is the real focus that is best

I realize that my starting point IS what is best for all, and any sense of self-interest that is still here will be walked out through my daily consistent application.

I realize that I have now begun living the word long-term success

I realize that instant gratification is just Here as the breath, no complete overhaul of real world change will happen in a single breath, rather it is the accumulation and an understanding of WHO I AM, then living/walking this in real time moment by moment in self-honesty through every decision and every moment as who I am as Life itself

Thus

I commit myself to consistently/patiently walking my self-honest scheduling as the Real Character that is the Physical, doing what is Best to the Best of my abilities and capacity, ever expanding, ever ready for more responsibility

I commit myself to support the entire world-system to be Life-giving for all, through my point by point ability to complete tasks to perfection and then accumulate more responsibility as Life itself directing everything to what is best

I commit myself to show myself that ‘open loops’ and ‘things I want to ‘get done’’ WILL get done, I trust myself fully, and this Living as Self-Trust is impeccable and I will walk this, welcoming the tests, the challenges, as who I am will remain Here as Life

Day 55 - Always One Point Of Worry/Concern

Always concerned and worried about something...

Ever since I was a child I remember always having a concern. This had become a point of personality/character within me where my personality would evolve so that I would always develop myself/focus my attention on what is concerning, thus fueling my self-interest in a complex screwed up way where I thought I was looking out for myself and others, only to realize concern/worry are based in fear, which is never best.

Thus Self Forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the automation of my mind-consciousness system searching/seeking/looking/thinking/obsessing about my environment and myself, projecting into the future for any sort of issue that will go ‘wrong’, within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that it is possible to correct myself through self-forgiveness and self-corrective application to release myself from the energy of fear/concern/worry that I had accepted and allowed myself to project onto myself and my environment, and instead learn to stand here, breathe, be equal with all and focus on life, concentrate on peace, and Live Common Sensically in each moment FULLY HERE where true power IS.

I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to not realize the core memory from my childhood programming where I had initially accepted and allowed the worry/concern character within and as me as a simple program of self-survival/self-interest, where I had used fear as my motivation/starting point to ‘stay alive’, never in fact really being Here and Living consistently.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize/understand my power of who I am, my ability to persuade, to create, through being Here 

I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to as a child accept and allow my programming where concern and worry for fear of survival are core to who I am, which makes sense, this is a logical way of being where we must survive, yet now I take responsibility and rewrite myself to freedom where the fear is not the starting point, the common SENSE is the starting point

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not yet go from the sense of fear/concern/worry to the common sense of self-directed principle and the principles of Desteni 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize the simplicity of breath and effective thinking about how I intend to create reality as Equal and One, and to operate from this certainty with clear intention

When and as I notice myself operating from any separation, I stop and I breathe

I realize that my intention is clear

I realize that my intention is to find and support and build the network of TechnoTutor globally

I realize that 1+1 I will support others in many ways that I may not even see

I realize that there is zero benefit to worrying 

I realize there is zero benefit to being concerned

I realize that I am learning how to focus on life and concentrate on peace

Thus I commit myself to directing my thoughts/ my intentions and my actions/deeds/words to what is best for all

I commit myself to stand as the Tree of Life as Common Sense 

I commit myself to operate day by day flowing as what is best for all Life

I commit myself to practice breath, being Here and projecting exactly how things will BEST go to the best of my abilities

Day 54 - Observing My Main-Mind Character - Self-Interest

 When I was a baby in the womb right after conception I began sucking away at the life substance of mom. The starting point of me as a baby was self-interest in that I was conceived by the physical as under the directive of consciousness, the world-system thoroughly throughout every cell of the body. For this I take full responsibility back to the origin point which was my cells coming together as me.

I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed, in the moment of conception, the acceptance and allowance of self-interest

I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed the ignorance of anything beyond me, just straight downloading the programs of self-interest, self-survival and self-perpetuation, regardless of the the impact on others, my programs developed and automated within the womb, the very shaping and fabric of my body interlaced with self-interest as me as the fabric of the world and the world-system penetrating all of Life as consciousness parasiting/sucking life dry, this image and likeness as me originally in the womb

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to underestimate and not understand the power of Life itself as the physical, as the Living Words, where throughout time as the flesh develops, as I was birthed, grew up and through my natural learning ability of the flesh, began to understand the world around me, and began to be imprinted by the illusionary/delusionary/evil system, that the Life substance within me was still stable enough to develop and support me as the being, the physical and the mind to get to the point of age where I could comprehend responsibility and what is best for all

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to want to ignore the details of myself as a child and my development, wanting to ignore and avoid the extent of the abuse and the confusion that I had lived as, within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that investigating the details of myself as a child will grant me gifts of understanding and insight into the nature of consciousness and character creation, which will serve me in the rewriting of Self as Best for All

I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to coordinate and formulate my brain chemistry to self-interest only, so that the dopamine systems, my brain wiring and my neurochemistry were all formed in the context and understanding of self-interest above all, so that now as I walk through the firewalls of fear and discomfort, there is work to be done to even GET to a neutral point from which I can fully create, yet nonetheless this is my responsibility as Life as what I as Life have accepted and allowed, and it is a privilege and an honor to do this work

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I have literally imprinted memories of self-interest as the main primary character of myself into my flesh, where all that is Life had been filtered through self-interest, so that I would take and take and take, giving just enough to ensure that my self-interest is sustained, thus fucking up my entire starting point behind giving and expressing myself, as really a con of consciousness to feed itself as consciousness, until Here no Further

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe it is possible to have any other way of this journey, where I was not able to find Desteni and push myself to understand the message of Desteni until recently, where now I have found it, so what will I do with it?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that digging deeper, walking each point as patience in breath, as perfection in awareness of Self, that layer by layer I am able to remove the self-interest point and to redefine Self as Life itself, where Self IS in fact the flesh made from the dust of the Earth, literally equal and one, the only separation is the illusion of Mind that I walk through point by point in unconditional and effective self-forgiveness and self-commitment

I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to not investigate the consequences of abiding by self-interest only, and within this I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to not realize the harm of not working through these points as effectively and efficiently as possible, as every moment of delay is the acceptance and allowance of self-interest in this world, which is worthy of redefinition

I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to not realize the best redefinition of self-interest, where Self = All of Life, as structural resonance alignment of my inner-self with the outer-self, where interest is the accumulation of attention and breath and awareness, so that everything in the inner and outer is understood more and more, and directed to the best outcome for what is best for all in patience and perfection

I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to believe that others must go before me, that I am not good enough to walk the cutting edge of space and time as walking process, where I have all the tools I need so any acceptance and allowance of holding back is just the acceptance and allowance of the illusion of consciousness, which is actually quite simple to walk through, by breathing, standing, and standing by my forgiveness and commitments as Self as Life

I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to not realize what my real starting point as Life IS, within this I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to believe that there must always be thoughts/always be self-interest, when I now know enough to know that self-interest in its ultimate and best form is Realizing the Oneness and Equality of Life Itself and walking this breath by breath

I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I am able to be Here in every breath, as I walk self-forgiveness effectively every day, I use TT every day, I read self-forgiveness every day, that my mind is losing grip/consciousness is losing grip, thus Self is able to Perfect Self and become Self Here.

I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed the automation of staring/going into/giving into/giving my attention to the mind, and playing/hanging out/resting in the mind, within this I forgive myself that I hadn’t accepted and allowed myself to realize the simplicity of resting my attention in and as the physical, where my beingness permeates ALL of the Physical in equality and oneness as Self, thus only my mind as a tool, the real master is the Physical as Self

I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to not realize the gift of every moment, as the opportunity of building/accumulating breath/attention/awareness of and as the physical so that I become and live as an unstoppable force of nature/Life as Life where my words are Lived and Self-Expression as Who I Am is Here in every single moment to moment..

When and as I notice myself participating in the character of self-interest only, I stop and I breathe

I realize that Self-Interest Only is unacceptable, as this is the acceptance and allowance of the destruction of Life, as a parasite feeds off its host and thus itself dies..

I realize that it takes time to walk through the consequences of years of Self-Interest, yet through Self-Forgiveness and Self-Corrective Application it is possible

I realize that if all people keep living as self-interest only without waking up to this, that the world will keep being a destructive place of suffering and Hell on Earth, yet with myself and the others I work with who are walking the Journey to Life, we just need a small percentage of us getting to positions of power in the World-System to actually change the system

I realize that Self-Interest defined in the best way is the realization that Self is Life and Life itself can become the normal standard way of being and expressing Here

I realize that every moment counts, Who I am in every moment is the accounting, and every breath I take as Self-Honest Self-Awareness as Life, I am bringing Heaven to Earth as Life for Life

I realize that having children in a few years, that responsibility of supporting them to be born as Life itself, that responsibility is already Here, every action I do can have either the best consequences for my kids and for all kids/humans on Earth, or the actions I take will accumulate consequences that are not best. I am smart enough to see this and realize this. I can process information enough to realize that my daily living and the actions I take and the self-honesty and Principles that I live, the consistent application of Self in every moment matters, and this is possible and this is actually the best and most fun/exciting way to Live because the long-term benefit is better than ANYTHING ELSE possible.

Thus I commit myself to investigate and eradicate and rewrite my main character of Self-Interest Only, to patiently and perfectly walk myself into and as a Living Example of What is Best for All

I commit myself to honor Life in all forms

I commit myself to consistently Live the Self-Forgiveness and Self-Correction

I commit myself to walk through any fears and programming to thus prove that I am doing what is best for ALL beyond merely self-interest. 

I commit myself to do whatever it takes to support myself, my family and the entire world ALL AS MYSELF to have the best outcome for all, one step at a time

Day 53 - Self-Honesty in Decision-Making

 We are afraid to make decisions and afraid to change decisions, ONLY because we lack the awareness and self-trust to actually do what is best (which is a process of development of the self-trust and self-honesty to actually do what is best)

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize/understand that real decisions in thought/word and deed are able to change our lives, and applied consistently over time will be the format by which we direct the world to be best for all, within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize/understand that I can develop self-honesty and self-trust to live Self-Directiveness always and in all ways so that every decision I make or I do not make can be Lived with certainty and Self-Honesty in my accumulation of Self-Responsibility and Self-Trust

When and as I notice myself considering changing a decision, I Stop and I breathe.

I realize that changing a decision requires Self-Honesty and Self-Responsibility for what I have done and what I am intending to do.

I realize that changing a decision is OK, it is the Principle behind WHY I am changing the decision OR not changing the decision that is what matters

I realize that changing a decision JUST because I want to feel the energy, is clearly me operating from energy-authority which is unacceptable because it is perpetuating the world-system instead of Life-authority

I realize that as Life-Authority I can make decisions and I can have energy experiences, it is WHO I AM in the process of making the decision and living the consequences of the decision that is what matters, and Self-Honesty and Principled-Living is my guide through this process. For example if I were to go smoke weed again, I would have verification that I am a slave to the energy, which is unacceptable. I AM The directive will, and I realize my focus on doing what is BEST for ALL is what matters, where smoking weed is really just a game of self-interest for me, and that is my decision, that doing what is BEST is what matters.

I realize that there is a time and place for balancing having fun/feeling good with doing the tough/hard work, and that is OK, the balance comes from Self-Honesty, and I do not need to depend on the having fun/feeling good, I realize I am advancing and evolving myself so that I can have fun and feel bliss from door knocking, talking with strangers, blitzing with work and confronting anyone/anything, so that THIS IS REALLY me doing what is best, this is a good feeling knowing I am doing what is best, and that even 1 weekend of changing my decision has basically zero negative consequence, BECAUSE who I am is Life authority and I am walking the authority of Life through my decisions and my moment to moment awareness and Living and Self-Expression

I realize that changing decisions can be an expression and a strengthening of my self-trust, my self-honesty, my flexibility, flow and ability to control myself within and as unbending self-trust, as ultimate certainty as Self, to do what is best for all, no judgment needed from the starting point of feeling/reward/punishment, just practical common sense solutions and Self Perfection as Self Here

Thus I commit myself to Self-Honestly Assessing my Decisions and Living Here, where in a moment I can flow, be flexible, and direct myself to what is Best as this is WHO I AM

I commit myself to continually support myself and anchor myself to doing what is best, regardless of the temporary feeling of the activity, because the activity IS temporary, the physical is what is eternal, so as I move myself and direct the physical reality to what is best, THIS is what counts, this is what matters, literally as matter and as the accounting of Who I AM as my being

I commit myself to support myself to write the BEST self-commitment statements based in practical-reality based solutions so that breath by breath I live Here, where always and in all ways I honor my commitments and my Self-Expression is the Best Expression of my Utmost Potential breath by breath

I commit myself to support my decision making process and to remember that small simple steps can be extremely supportive to me walking the physical to what is best for all

I commit myself to support my decision power so that always and in all ways I have the resources and the self-trust and common sense to direct anything/everything to what is best for all