Day 45 - Inadequacy

I notice that when I go through the sales process, if someone does NOT commit to buy, I feel inadequate.

I feel like s*** and I feel rejected, PLUS I feel like I wasted my time and their time. 

I hate this feeling.

I hate knowing that I know better, but not having that resonate through myself on an unconscious, subconscious and conscious level - completely in integrity. I KNOW what I sell works, I KNOW it is able to drastically improve people's lives and get results.. I think that is why it sucks so much, is that when I ‘fail’ at getting another to see the benefit of the product, that I have let them down because I wasn’t ‘adequate’ (sufficient/competent) enough to show explicitly how what I offer can and will solve their problems.

I also feel pissed that I avoid the tough conversations and ‘rising to the occasion’. I hate feeling like this, where I am inadequate and unable to succeed, even though I have different times in my life where I have proven that I can succeed, it’s like it’s ‘not enough’ to work through this block and horrible feeling I have within me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I am unacceptable and unallowable as a human, that I am a failure fundamentally as who I am as I have been inadequate in what I do, failing to see that I am Life but because of failures in my approach when building my business/selling, I thus perceive myself and accept myself as just an inadequate failure, ROBBING myself the opportunity to learn/grow/evolve from the failure

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust myself to be able to learn from the failure, when in reality, I will prove if I am learning based in my consistent daily application of showing up again and again, within Self-Honesty and Self-Awareness, even a little bit more each time, to thus verify if I am indeed learning and improving, or if I am ACTUALLY deluding myself into true inadequacy, which would be the acceptance of the ‘defeat’ as “that’s all there is”.... No. This Writing Here is my Proof that I am developing Self-Trust, Self-Honesty and Self-Awareness, AND I realize that anything worthwhile takes time to build, day in and day out. Thus it is on ME to prove myself, and the adequacy that I am creating for myself is whether I am showing up as LIFE day after day, where even if I fall, I have the opportunity to stand up again and move forward with Self-Honesty and Living my Principles. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have failed/refused to realize that I fear the responsibility of stepping up and selling/influencing another even after it appears their ‘mind is made up’, when in reality, I am able to ask questions and support the other to really remember WHY they are Here, within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have refused to see that I must in my self-honesty do what I can to support the other as Living my Principle of Giving as I want to Receive, so THIS is the focus, GIVING, and stepping up to give always and in all ways within common sense and the Principles of what is best for all.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have failed to see that this waiting around for the ‘decision’ from another to whether they will buy/move forward or not, that this ‘waiting’ is practice for my UNBENDING SELF-TRUST to grow, like putting in reps at the gym putting my muscles under tension, where within this waiting I am able to work through any backchat, fears, limitations, doubts, concerns, irritations, agitations, mind-consciousness system energetic reactions…. As each and every single point must be worked through to completion as I am walking my journey to life, so the ‘time period’ where these point surface is a golden opportunity to write/right them out so as to not time loop, rather actually ‘move up’ in Living my Principles in complete integrity 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the backchat conversations within myself and the allowance of the backchat to persist, failing to see/realize/understand that Effective Self-Forgiveness and Self-Corrective Application will trap and eradicate the backchat so it never need exist again within me, thus WHO I AM is able to be HERE as LIFE resonating 100% integrity through anything and everything I do

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel superior to others and use backchat to validate my ego/energy believing that I am a king and I am better/more adequate than the other because they don’t see reality like I do, when in REAL REALITY it is MY responsibility to communicate with the other, through anything - conflict, uncertainty, fear, any and every emotional reaction - as it is just energy, to thus SUPPORT the other to see reality as I see it, and to also remain open myself to see reality as THEY see it, where we can come into agreement as to what is best for all Life, even if it takes time, energy, attention, resources. THIS is the Living of the Principles that I am committed to. This is REAL Adequacy, adequate/sufficient LIVING of the Principles.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have failed to see the origin point within my backchat of feeling inadequate, then conversing with myself in my mind and secret mind how I am actually adequate, WITHOUT have anything to do with real reality and actually changing myself in the real physical world to actually being adequate (defined as having the requisite qualities or resources to meet a task/sufficient for a purpose). Time to adequately resolve the origin of my reaction to inadequacy once and for all, and redefine it to what is best for all Life.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to have failed to see that my current understanding of inadequacy has been inadequate in itself for establishing myself and my words in oneness and equality, where this origin/starting point of the word was ego/energy, so of course the backchat will be coming from the ego/energy, until Here no Further

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to redefine inadequacy as the accurate assessment of where I am not effective at achieving a goal, and thus a gift for reflection and self-perfection, to apply the tools of breath, self-forgiveness and self-corrective application, as those tools, when applied within Principles, are adequate for complete resolution and restoration of integrity within myself and with all of Life. It just takes time and patience.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that my emotional reaction to inadequacy is based in an original memory from childhood of the first time I failed at a goal and thus the energy/emotional reaction compounded from there

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to to have failed to realize that when I was a child I went to my friend’s house and we were playing a video game and he kept beating me in the game over and over and I reacted emotionally and started crying and wanted to leave, thus solidifying the resonant experience within me of establishing a goal (winning the video game), failing at the goal, then NOT stopping and breathing and learning from the failure, rather getting reactive and then crying and then feeling embarrassed and annoyed and just giving up, NEVER BRINGING the SITUATION to COMPLETION, UNTIL HERE… the emotion need not go FURTHER

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have failed to see/realize/understand the GIFT of my inadequate participation in playing the video game, where I got dominated in the game and lost, where this was a golden opportunity for me to stop and breathe and re-clarify the goal, to thus establish self-honesty and self-trust and self-corrective application in the moment and then over time, thus preventing any further emotion like embarrassment/annoyance/acceptance of defeat, so within this I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to sentence myself as an inadequate loser, failing to see that it was just a temporary defeat and a learning opportunity, yet it was ME who admitted the permanent defeat with my OWN sentencing and my own abdication of responsibility to even determine if the game was worthy of my participation or if it was just an energy-distraction from what REALLY matters, which is real physical reality, relationships and supporting a world that is best for all Life, where the game COULD have been best, if I applied my principles and had a clear starting point within the game, and thus the aftermath of the game and WHO I AM within the game and the reflection on the game/learning from the game, as I now see that I can learn from ANYTHING, failure and success to any varying degree

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have failed to realize that failure in the process of achieving a worthy goal is sometimes the best thing ever because the failure can teach me IF I AM WILLING to Learn… therefore THIS is my real teachability index.. Am I willing to accept change, to be humble enough, to learn, and to adjust my approach where I go through any emotional reaction/response, I breathe, I assess the situation, I DIRECT MYSELF and then in the aftermath I direct myself to learn and thus apply any more self-forgiveness and self-corrective application until I have verifiable and true evidence that I actually do change

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have feared and thus unconsciously, subconsciously and consciously avoided situations where I will risk losing at achieving a goal out of not wanting to experience the emotional reaction I had deemed as ‘inadequacy’, within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have failed to see that putting myself in situations where I am inadequate (not able to meet the goal at the current point in time) is a MAJOR gift as I now stand in principles so thus I will LEARN rapidly through any failure, because WHO I AM will persist even through a failure, plus it will be further confirmation of WHO I AM and my standing as Life and Principles, through any failure, any hardship, any emotional reaction, I will prove myself to stand for and as Principles, and THAT is the real adequacy… do I stand or do I abdicate responsibility

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe the lie that inadequacy and feeling the emotions/avoiding the emotions is more important and beneficial than standing for and as Principles, within this I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to rewire my entire neurochemistry to support myself with feeling the fear and enjoying the fear/the test, the hardship, the difficulty, the rejection, the attacks, the conversations, the cutting edge…. Until Here no Further, through rescripting myself and rewriting myself day by day, Living the change through thought, word and deed, I AM living proof that I am walking the cutting edge and directing all of humanity to what is best for all Life, day after day, breath by breath

Therefore

When and as I notice myself reacting to the cutting edge and being exposed to my real adequacy or inadequacy, I stop and I breathe

I realize that the cutting edge is where I prove in truth Who I AM and what I stand for and as

I realize that throwing myself in the cutting edge of time, where I am faced with all fears/weaknesses/limitations is BECOMING a place where I LOVE to be, where it is BEST as it is where I face my real Self and Express my Real Self

I realize that my agreement with myself is all the strength I need, as I stand and walk breath by breath, developing the antifragility and standing as a Living Example of what is best for all, with the support of others and we all move forward in our agreement(s)

I realize that inadequacy is a gift because in my self-honesty and self-trust, I now see exactly where I am falling short, and I have the tools and the support to actually work through this inadequacy, where I then become adequate (able to fulfill the purpose)

I realize that it is essential to understand the rules of “what I am going for” to determine within Self-Honesty if the goal I am attempting to get (and thus be either adequate or inadequate) is worthy of my Life and effort

I realize that understanding of these rules of “what I am going for” is the starting point, and is worthy of reflection, consideration and purification, so the ONLY rules/effort/focus is on creating a world that is best for all Life, as anything less than that is an abomination of the Life I was given

I realize that in creating a world that is best for all Life, we are going to be inadequate for some time, yet the inadequacy is gifting us clear indicators of where to improve, provided we walk this process and use the tools every day and Live the Principles every day…

Therefore

I commit myself to the starting point of EVERYTHING in my Life going toward what is best for all Life, where any inadequacy is now a gift that I receive and I openly welcome

I commit myself to integrate these points of ‘inadequacy’ to learn, process and evolve through my accumulation of my choices, my decisions, my attention and my efforts, so that always and in all ways I ACTUALLY do what is best, not just in theory, but in real cutting-edge practical Living

I commit myself to strengthen and support myself through embodying my Principles that I stand for and as, through the rewiring of myself through daily consistent application where I am a Self-Perfection Super Computer, the input is the feedback from my environment which includes both ‘successes’ and ‘failures’ and the output of my Super Computer is my Visible Living of the Principles, more and more and more until the point is hit where always and in all ways I stand for and Live as what is best for all Life

I commit myself to walk the cutting edge of time through all that I do, facing ANY conversation, any meeting, any event, any introspection, any and every possible scenario that can manifest, so I PROVE that  I AM LIVING MY PRINCIPLES from HERE FORWARD, therefore I AM adequate in who I stand as, and building from this base-line platform of adequacy (my starting point of oneness, equality, principles for and as what is best for all Life) thus I boldly move forward and walk the cutting edge of universal existence as Life is on my side, as I am Life, directing EVERYTHING to what is best for all Life, where thus any future inadequacy is a blessing and a gift that I am committed to thoroughly integrating within my Self-Honesty and Self-Trust ANY lessons and experiences of ‘inadequacy’, so I can thus support myself and all others to always and in all ways do what is best for all Life and we can then Live as REAL-LIFE-ADEQUACY (being able to meet needs/be sufficient in achievement) where the World is What is Best for All Life, always and in all ways