Day 18 - Deception Day

When I was a kid I liked to eat snacks.

One day I took the bag of cheese puffs out of the cupboard and I went behind the couch and started eating them straight out of the bag.

My mom found me and started laughing and took a picture of me.

In that moment  I realized I had been deceptive, because I was taking the entire bag and hoarding it to myself, which I knew mom would try and stop me and just make me pour a bowl as a snack and probably eat it at the table so I wouldn’t stain the carpet in case I spilled the snack. 

This was deception day. The first memory I realize I actually deceived myself and my mother.

It is fascinating that she thought it was funny and took a picture of me so I literally have this memory of deception as an image in my child photos. 

I realize that I knew enough to know what the rules were (even though they were unspoken) and how to go around the rules for my own self-interest, instead of actually assessing and using self-honesty to understand what was actually best in the situation for all.

I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to deceive mom and take the bag of cheese puffs behind the couch and hide out of sight so as to not get ‘caught’ breaking the unspoken rule that one must put the snack in a bowl and eat at the table

I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed the subconscious character and unconscious behavior/mannerisms of deception to get super-charged from this experience of me deceiving myself and believing that I did not need to take responsibility to communicate with mom what the rules were and how we could rewrite the rules to be supportive of a more enjoyable snack time experience

I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to have taken the action first and not considered the consequences of my action and my deception, within myself and within my relationship with my mom, in this I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to have failed to see/realize/understand that my self-trust and trust from others was broken because I fell out of integrity by not actually understanding what the rules were/why they were that way and then directing myself to actually do what is best, I just acted from self-interest and energy, regardless of the consequences, which I am now investigating, addressing and re-writing

I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to have failed to establish the common sense principle of communication as equals with my mom, where I could have worked out a compromise of understanding WHY we had the expectation of eating the food not out of the bag and not being able to eat in the family room

I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to believe I was superior to the ‘rules’ of the house, rather than being equal to them in understanding and application, thus actually being able to abide by them out of responsibility for doing what is best for all, including myself and the relationships in our home

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that it was best for me to just eat straight from the bag, completely failing to see/realize/understand the common sense of portion control and understanding how much food is actually supportive to my body, in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have failed to live the principle “my physical body is my temple” by abusing my body with food just for the temporary energetic experience of the food and the act of eating, which is energy authority instead of Self-Directive Principle

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have failed to see that by me eating food and deceiving myself through my relationship with food and energy as Self-Interest alone, that I have abdicated my Self-Directive principle to energy-authority, until HERE no FURTHER. It is possible to communicate directly with my body to understand what it looks like to actually support myself with food, and I realize this will be a process that takes time to really establish within self-honesty and self-trust and what is actually best for all Life and honoring of all Life.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to live the word deception as I have lived as Self-Interest, deceiving myself and others in my real intentions, which has been to gain as much positive energy as possible, through the forms of energy/emotion/feelings/conflict and abusing physical substance for the sake of the temporary energetic experience of energy

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have failed to see, realize and understand the deception I have lived throughout my entire life from the starting point of energy, completely abdicating responsibility as Life Authority and doing what is best for all Life, only caring about and living as Energy-Authority completely at the expense of the physical and my principles thus compromising me as being a human that has been up until now unworthy of trust and Life, UNTIL HERE NO FURTHER

When and as I notice deception within me as energy-authority I stop and I breathe

I realize that the energy-authority has been the patterning of myself from the very starting point of me as a being in this world

I realize that every single dimension and facet of my life has been tainted by energy-authority and will be walked in complete detail as I walk this journey to Life breath by breath

I realize that I have accepted and allowed energy to be the authority of my life, and I have accumulated 26 years of consequence of energy-authority, thus I am walking my Journey to Life as that is actually best for all Life

I realize that I am walking the journey to Life from the understanding that if I continue as energy authority, I will eventually die and cease to exist, so now is my opportunity to live as eternal Life, through daily application of self-responsibility, self-forgiveness, self-corrective application, all done in self-honesty and self-trust and self-awareness of and as LIFE that is HERE, that I continue to develop as the self-directive principle of and as LIFE

I realize that deception exists within me and it comes from me not having expressed and established myself as Life here equal to and one with Life, where deception is the ego that is within and throughout my very physical body, that daily application of writing/righting myself is the only way to actually forgive myself for the energy-authority and consequences of the energy-authority that I have accepted and allowed myself as LIFE to become

I realize that even the small actions, like taking a bag of cheese puffs and hiding while eating them, are not best and are actually a very big deal, because the little micro-deceptions are deceptions nonetheless and will accumulate as a whole subconscious mind-character and unconscious behavior/mannerism process that must be walked OUT into the physical, in and as what is best for all Life, with the goal of completely eradicating deception on any and all Level, which will take time, patience and brutal self-honesty

I realize that my ego believes I am special, so even when mom was laughing at me hiding, that feeling of specialness and ego was actually a disguised form of spitefulness to myself and my relationship with my mom where it was an acceptance and allowance of the energy-deception, instead of what was actually best - as the communication and relationship of agreement between myself and my mom was not clearly established of “Why is this unacceptable or acceptable” instead, I abdicated responsibility to understand why we have rules around eating food/hiding/activities that are acceptable and unacceptable

I realize that my relationship with food has completely been self-deception with complete abdication of the principles of what is best for all Life, my physical body is my temple, self-honesty, self-responsibility, self-awareness, self-perfection through self creation and honoring Life in all forms, as I have used and abused food for the energetic experience in complete ignorance of what it actually looks like to stand equal and one as my physical body as Life, in support of what is actually best for all Life

Therefore I commit myself to establish clear communication within myself and my body in complete self-honesty and my Living principles

I commit myself  to establish in all of my relationships a clear agreement of what is best for all Life and an understanding of why we do what we do, even if this takes time it is worth it

I commit myself to continually establish my self-directive principle so that always and in all ways I will do what is best in my self-honesty

I commit myself to eradicate deception from myself completely, no matter the time it takes

I commit myself to understand myself through self-forgiveness and self-corrective application, where I can breathe and see/realize/understand the deception of my ego/energy authority that I have accepted and allowed myself to become, where I may self-honestly walk the process to absolutely and thoroughly eradicate and eliminate the deception and LIVE as an example of what is best for all Life, always and in all ways

I commit myself to honor Life in all forms

I commit myself to establish the best relationship with food ever

I commit myself to establish communication with my body and to support my body as it is my temple

I commit myself to expose my secret mind and write it out/right it out no matter how ugly/deceptive/bad it is, it is actually best for me to do this

I commit myself to establish the true, authentic starting point of equality and oneness with Life, no matter how long that takes, I will apply self-honest consistent writing/self-forgiveness and self-corrective application until this is verifiably true

I commit myself to brutal self-honesty in seeing all the ways of energy-authority that I have accepted and allowed to exist within and as me, and walk out each point until I stand as absolute Life Authority