I remember in my youth I felt uncomfortable around sleep
My first memory of sleep involves pain of having an ear ache and just wanting to fall asleep but I couldn’t because the pain was throbbing.
There is a gift in this memory and through Self-Forgiveness I will give to myself the realizations, then through my Self-Directive Principle I am committed to transforming myself to do what is best always and in all ways.
I was very young and felt helpless.
I was exhausted and tired and in pain
I wanted sympathy and someone to comfort me
I remember laying in a dark room
I remember seeing the red lights on the alarm clock timer against the black around it
I remember physically feeling pain in my ear and the center of my head
The sound was quiet
The sound was quiet
The sight was black and with a little red
The sensation was pain
The taste was bad and gross as I could tell my body was sick and weak
My body felt lethargic and weak
My body was craving sleep and wanting to keep my eyes closed but I could not bring myself to sleep and I was in pain
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have failed to realize that the breath is the great regulator, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have abdicated responsibility of continued and prolonged and systematic breathing over time, with focused duration, and with this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have failed to breathe and direct my breath over a prolonged time to regulate my physical body and be OK with pain/discomfort and to be present with it and understand the gifts/teaching within the pain/discomfort/tiredness
I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed the abdication of responsibility to direct myself to do what is best throughout ALL times, which includes when I am tired, sick, ‘not feeling like it’ or feeling a MOOD aka DOOMED
I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to have failed to understand that mom was doing her best to take care of me, and I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to have failed to participate in the healing process by supporting mom and talking with her about the best process of healing, and the understanding that healing takes time and the process of healing may be painful yet the process of who one becomes through the pain/hardship is important as character develops and can develop in a way that is best or in a way that is not best, through this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the character activation and recreation of the pain-avoider-whiner, where I avoid pain and whine about pain, failing to be present, to practice breath and breathing, and to prove to myself that always and in all ways I can direct myself to what is best, therefore proving my self-trust and self-honesty to be unshakeable
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for the lack of pain I have gone through in comparison to others’ suffering in this world, believing that I am less ‘valid’ of a person because the pain (if it were to be measured) has not been as intense, or over as much duration, compared to my perception of others’ in the world, which is missing the point of what is pain and my own journey and who/what I am capable of becoming provided I direct myself always and in all ways
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the creation of the character of the ‘comparer’, where I compare my journey and ‘what I have done’ to what I perceive others’ journey to be and ‘what they have done’, this entire time failing to take responsibility for myself and what I have accepted and allowed within myself as an absolute individual, as the comparer has their focus externally, when it is best to establish self-honest observation and investigation within Self first (and to, within self-honesty, understand the comparison with others in the best way which is as cross-referencing within full self-responsibility and self-directive principle to bring oneself back to self and self’s process) - and through this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have failed to realize the best way of of transforming this character of the ‘comparer’ through self-forgvieness and self-corrective application into being the kind of person that self-honestly is interacting with others and supporting others, which I know includes being present, breathing, assisting with sharing the tools of breath and self-forgiveness, all from the starting point of Self-Awareness that I am Here as ME, as an Absolute Individual, yet equal to and one with Life, and I am Here to give as I want to receive, and as I do this, THIS is the real character that I am changing myself into, day by day consistently proving myself always and in all ways, to be a principled character that lives the principles always and in all ways, therefore no need for comparison to my perception of others’ struggles, rather an honest investigation of all and keeping what is best, yet within myself and my self honesty, directing myself to what is best through the principles and the understanding that my process is my process, and others’ process is their process, and we walk this together, side-by-side in oneness and equality
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have refused to see/realize/understand and LIVE the gift that is pain and tiredness, as the pain and the tiredness are cross-reference points for me to understand where I am in my process, and how effective I am within breath and the breath accumulation equation, where I Will either stand in and as oneness and equality and accumulate breath as Life, or I will not, through my abdication of responsibility and abdication of Life authority to exist as energy authority, the real choice is mine in every moment to direct myself to what is best, or to not..
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the backchat and the behaviors of ‘escaping pain/feeling bliss/desiring bliss/falling asleep’ as the first order consequence of the sleep/comfort/immediate satisfaction, and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to direct myself to this feeling of bliss, completely unaware of the real consequence, in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to refuse to utilize breath and self-directive principle to do what is actually best, whether it feels good or not, through this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have failed to apply and live common sense in my daily habits and application of myself Here in and as the physical, where I walk the process of Living as LIFE, not as energy, where Life sometimes does not ‘feel’ good, but the principle of directing myself and acting in ways that are truly good and best will pass the test of time, unlike the fleeting energetic emotional experience, the structure that is Living in Principle remains
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not investigate my relationship with sleep/tiredness and pain, and in this abdication of responsibility of investigation, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the weakness and the abdication of gifting myself the realizations and insights that tiredness, pain, weakness are all actually able to be good, as they are cross-reference points of where I must develop myself, so that always and in all ways I direct myself to and as what is best
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself unconsciously, subconsciously and consciously to avoid pain and tiredness, without actually living the principles of doing what is best, regardless of the pain or tiredness that may come up, because the principles endure, when the pain and tiredness will come to pass
I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed the abdication of responsibility to direct myself to do what is best throughout ALL times, which includes when I am tired, sick, ‘not feeling like it’ or feeling a MOOD aka DOOMED
I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to have failed to understand that mom was doing her best to take care of me, and I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to have failed to participate in the healing process by supporting mom and talking with her about the best process of healing, and the understanding that healing takes time and the process of healing may be painful yet the process of who one becomes through the pain/hardship is important as character develops and can develop in a way that is best or in a way that is not best, through this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the character activation and recreation of the pain-avoider-whiner, where I avoid pain and whine about pain, failing to be present, to practice breath and breathing, and to prove to myself that always and in all ways I can direct myself to what is best, therefore proving my self-trust and self-honesty to be unshakeable
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for the lack of pain I have gone through in comparison to others’ suffering in this world, believing that I am less ‘valid’ of a person because the pain (if it were to be measured) has not been as intense, or over as much duration, compared to my perception of others’ in the world, which is missing the point of what is pain and my own journey and who/what I am capable of becoming provided I direct myself always and in all ways
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the creation of the character of the ‘comparer’, where I compare my journey and ‘what I have done’ to what I perceive others’ journey to be and ‘what they have done’, this entire time failing to take responsibility for myself and what I have accepted and allowed within myself as an absolute individual, as the comparer has their focus externally, when it is best to establish self-honest observation and investigation within Self first (and to, within self-honesty, understand the comparison with others in the best way which is as cross-referencing within full self-responsibility and self-directive principle to bring oneself back to self and self’s process) - and through this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have failed to realize the best way of of transforming this character of the ‘comparer’ through self-forgvieness and self-corrective application into being the kind of person that self-honestly is interacting with others and supporting others, which I know includes being present, breathing, assisting with sharing the tools of breath and self-forgiveness, all from the starting point of Self-Awareness that I am Here as ME, as an Absolute Individual, yet equal to and one with Life, and I am Here to give as I want to receive, and as I do this, THIS is the real character that I am changing myself into, day by day consistently proving myself always and in all ways, to be a principled character that lives the principles always and in all ways, therefore no need for comparison to my perception of others’ struggles, rather an honest investigation of all and keeping what is best, yet within myself and my self honesty, directing myself to what is best through the principles and the understanding that my process is my process, and others’ process is their process, and we walk this together, side-by-side in oneness and equality
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have refused to see/realize/understand and LIVE the gift that is pain and tiredness, as the pain and the tiredness are cross-reference points for me to understand where I am in my process, and how effective I am within breath and the breath accumulation equation, where I Will either stand in and as oneness and equality and accumulate breath as Life, or I will not, through my abdication of responsibility and abdication of Life authority to exist as energy authority, the real choice is mine in every moment to direct myself to what is best, or to not..
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the backchat and the behaviors of ‘escaping pain/feeling bliss/desiring bliss/falling asleep’ as the first order consequence of the sleep/comfort/immediate satisfaction, and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to direct myself to this feeling of bliss, completely unaware of the real consequence, in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to refuse to utilize breath and self-directive principle to do what is actually best, whether it feels good or not, through this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have failed to apply and live common sense in my daily habits and application of myself Here in and as the physical, where I walk the process of Living as LIFE, not as energy, where Life sometimes does not ‘feel’ good, but the principle of directing myself and acting in ways that are truly good and best will pass the test of time, unlike the fleeting energetic emotional experience, the structure that is Living in Principle remains
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not investigate my relationship with sleep/tiredness and pain, and in this abdication of responsibility of investigation, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the weakness and the abdication of gifting myself the realizations and insights that tiredness, pain, weakness are all actually able to be good, as they are cross-reference points of where I must develop myself, so that always and in all ways I direct myself to and as what is best
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself unconsciously, subconsciously and consciously to avoid pain and tiredness, without actually living the principles of doing what is best, regardless of the pain or tiredness that may come up, because the principles endure, when the pain and tiredness will come to pass
When and as I notice myself feeling tired or in pain, I stop and I breathe
I realize that through enduring breath, time after time, I can and will remain Here in the physical, regulating myself and remaining able to actually direct myself to what is best
I realize that sometimes sleep IS best, as there is physical tiredness, and breath + Self-Honesty is the key to understanding the difference and discerning physical tiredness and mental tiredness
I realize that pain is a gift, to support oneself to understand the physical, and to better understand what is required in situations to bring about what is best, to learn how to support oneself through breathing and living, through self-directive principle and consistent application of principle and breath and self-forgiveness, all within and as patience and perfection, to establish true Self-Honesty and Self-Trust, that is unshakeable as the pain is not the director, but Self as Life is the director, that will be proven over time and real consistent application
I realize that for the first time in my Life I now see the meaning in pain/suffering, as I know it can all be directed to what is best, that there does not need to be hope OR hopelessness, rather just breath and self-honesty and self-directive will, to consistently and over duration remain Here in the physical as Breath, always and in all ways directing myself to what is best, accumulating more and more and more responsibility, within and as myself through any emotional/physical state, to then in equality and oneness as all of Life, to be Here and directing Self as Life always and in all ways to what is best
I realize that through enduring breath, time after time, I can and will remain Here in the physical, regulating myself and remaining able to actually direct myself to what is best
I realize that sometimes sleep IS best, as there is physical tiredness, and breath + Self-Honesty is the key to understanding the difference and discerning physical tiredness and mental tiredness
I realize that pain is a gift, to support oneself to understand the physical, and to better understand what is required in situations to bring about what is best, to learn how to support oneself through breathing and living, through self-directive principle and consistent application of principle and breath and self-forgiveness, all within and as patience and perfection, to establish true Self-Honesty and Self-Trust, that is unshakeable as the pain is not the director, but Self as Life is the director, that will be proven over time and real consistent application
I realize that for the first time in my Life I now see the meaning in pain/suffering, as I know it can all be directed to what is best, that there does not need to be hope OR hopelessness, rather just breath and self-honesty and self-directive will, to consistently and over duration remain Here in the physical as Breath, always and in all ways directing myself to what is best, accumulating more and more and more responsibility, within and as myself through any emotional/physical state, to then in equality and oneness as all of Life, to be Here and directing Self as Life always and in all ways to what is best
I realize that the gift within the ear ache and tiredness in the middle of the night is that I now have a cross reference of first order consequences of myself directing myself to just desiring to sleep, while the second and third order consequences from that are weakness as I did not have self-directive will and active participation in the healing process and the understanding of the healing process, rather I abdicated my responsibility to my mom and to medicine which was ‘outside myself’ failing to see/realize/understand that my body and breath is what does the healing, and I CAN utilize support from others and medicine, but it must be done in self-honesty, not just from energy-authority wanting ‘it to be over’, as that is the robbing of the gifts from myself, therefore…
I commit myself to do what is best, always and in all ways
I commit myself to uncover and live the gifts within pain and tiredness
I commit myself to Self-Honest investigation and Self-Directive Will no matter what state/pain/tiredness/situation I am in
I commit myself to investigate and use common sense in assessing consequence, and to direct myself in all ways to the best consequence and the purification of all consequence that has been accumulated, so that all consequence and all of Life that is Here is directed to what is best for all Life
I commit myself to direct myself through tiredness, to remember and prove to myself that ALL WAYS and ALWAYS implies even if I am tired and do not ‘feel good’ that principle remains and I am committed do what is best, and I am committed to proving to myself that I am committed to and will do what is best
I commit myself to do what is best, always and in all ways
I commit myself to uncover and live the gifts within pain and tiredness
I commit myself to Self-Honest investigation and Self-Directive Will no matter what state/pain/tiredness/situation I am in
I commit myself to investigate and use common sense in assessing consequence, and to direct myself in all ways to the best consequence and the purification of all consequence that has been accumulated, so that all consequence and all of Life that is Here is directed to what is best for all Life
I commit myself to direct myself through tiredness, to remember and prove to myself that ALL WAYS and ALWAYS implies even if I am tired and do not ‘feel good’ that principle remains and I am committed do what is best, and I am committed to proving to myself that I am committed to and will do what is best
I commit myself to honor my body and to understand specifically what are the cross-reference points within myself so I can honor my body and rest and physically recharge from a place of Self-Honest Self-Awareness and Self-Directive Principle
I commit myself to direct myself through pain, to remember and prove to myself that ALL WAYS and ALWAYS implies even if I am in pain, to whatever degree, that I STILL direct myself through breath, self-honesty and common sense, remembering that I am Here as Life and I will continue to Give as Life and Give as I want to receive, and I know I will be tested and I am committed to proving this to myself
I commit myself to stand and walk as a living example, whether I am tired or in pain or do not feel like it, therefore proving to myself in reality that always and in all ways I do what is best and I direct ALL levels, all dimensions, all timelines, all aspects of my mind-consciousness system and all aspects of the world-system to what is best, no matter what comes up, tiredness, pain, memories, emotions, backchat, unconscious behaviors/mannerisms, anything, I commit myself to direct EVERYTHING to what is best through my breath and Self-Honesty, moment to moment, enduring, Here as Life in oneness and equality
I commit myself to stand and walk as a living example, whether I am tired or in pain or do not feel like it, therefore proving to myself in reality that always and in all ways I do what is best and I direct ALL levels, all dimensions, all timelines, all aspects of my mind-consciousness system and all aspects of the world-system to what is best, no matter what comes up, tiredness, pain, memories, emotions, backchat, unconscious behaviors/mannerisms, anything, I commit myself to direct EVERYTHING to what is best through my breath and Self-Honesty, moment to moment, enduring, Here as Life in oneness and equality
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