Day 25 - Gift of Criticism

When I was a child in kindergarten I remember we had a substitute teacher

We were doing an assignment of cutting out the red nose of rudolph the reindeer so it was supposed to be a circle

I was not being present and listening to the teacher

I had a piece of paper and I cut it the wrong way so I asked for a new piece of paper, the substitute teacher criticized me, yelled at me saying I was not following directions and demanded I go to the back of the room and take a ‘red card’ for not listening and that I needed to take it home to my mom

My back muscles and neck tensed up
My vision was narrow

My stomach dropped

My palms were sweaty

My face turned hot

My face cringed
I felt embarrassed and wanted to cry

I felt angry and enraged and wanted to beat up the teacher because she yelled at me

I felt ashamed and confused because I didn't mean to break the rules or get into trouble, so I felt guilty

Now is my opportunity to direct the criticism to what is best which is the learning experience here

I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to not be present and listen to the directions to correctly cut out the piece of paper as the teacher had instructed

I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to feel angry and enraged toward the teacher for her perceived overreaction to what I had done, in this I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to have refused to breathe and communicate in oneness and equality with the teacher to negotiate a fair warning before the red card needed to be taken, rather I just reacted and repressed the emotions, until Here no further

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to confuse myself and abdicate Life Authority for Energy Authority and the creation/participation in the character of the victim, where the teacher is the villain and I am the good person who was wrongfully accused, when in reality I was not being present and listening, which was the tacit agreement of the classroom and therefore it was in the teacher’s rights within the tacit agreement that I take the red card

I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to believe that I could not communicate as equals with the teacher/authority and come to a common sense conclusion where we restate and claritfy the agreement to then strengthen our relationship and our unity, instead energizing of division between self and other

I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to participate in shame of the guilt of me breaking the tacit agreement that I was supposed to listen perfectly to the instructions and perfectly cut out the nose, in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in guilt and fear of making mistakes, that I do not want the authority to give me feedback that indicates I have made a mistake, when in reality, mistakes are OK provided one is working within self-honesty and self-responsibility to develop oneself to do what is best, therefore I commit myself to my self-honesty and self-responsibility to do what is best therefore there is no authority outside of myself needed, rather just active participation in oneness and equality, giving as I want to receive and no guilt/shame/tacit agreement needed as I can and will communicate in oneness and equality with and as all

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my self-worth and who I am is able to be degraded by what others say about my actions, when in reality my worth is Life and being Here, and in my Self-Honesty, the feedback is actually great because it is a point by which I can clarify my self-honesty in if I am actually doing what is best, where if I AM honestly doing what is best, I will stand as that and ‘defend’ my point thoroughly as I trust myself to express myself and what is best, and then if I get feedback and it becomes clear I am not doing what is best, then I can actually correct myself through Self-Forgiveness and Self-Corrective Application

I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to rush and not think through the consequences of my actions for what is best for all Life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the subconscious character of the victim that is disingenuously believing I am doing what is best, when in reality with common sense I can see the error of my ways, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the energetic point of conflict within me, believing I am the all-perfect person that can do no harm/evil, when in reality as I understand and look at my Life and the consequences, I see the reality that I actually do create consequence that is not best and I run the risk of way more consequence of what is not best, therefore I am walking this process of Self-Forgiveness and Self-Corrective application EVERY DAY with brutal self-honesty of where I fuck up, and how to correct myself and move through the energetic/emotional points so they may be trapped and deleted, to thus purify myself to not re-create the pattern, rather to live as the Self-Correction, thus Living the Principles and Self-Perfecting through Self-Creating

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have failed to see/realize/understand that as I take on more self-responsibility, there will be a growing/learning curve, and this is OK, because I have the right support networks around me that can support me to do what is best always and in all ways, and any pain/hurt/guilt/criticism I receive from others is actually a gift and shows me exactly what I can work on to trap and eliminate and therefore stand in even more self-responsibility and consequence, blaming NOBODY, just being Here as Breath accumulating more and more responsibility as it is NOBODY’S FAULT but my OWN, and I am learning to love this about myself that I can be Here as Breath as Absolute Individual that can feel good about working through the process, as the second/third/fourth order consequences are BEST, even if the first-order consequence does not feel comfortable or good

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe the lie that I can just be successful and do what is best for all Life without failing and experiencing pain/criticism/feedback, when in reality I am now moving DIRECTLY in to facing the problems head on, standing as a Living Example willing to be crucified if that is what is best, where I can now stand as a Living Example of one who does not feel criticism, rather uses EVERYTHING to DIRECT MYSELF to WHAT IS BEST always and in all ways 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that when others criticize what I have done that I will lose the friendship and the relationship, which is another gift/indicator to me where I am operating from energy authority, as that is NOT making love/relationships REAL, in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have refused to see/realize/understand that pain and feedback that triggers me is a gift because it shows where I am not in full alignment living/breathing/operating as the Principles of doing what is best for all Life, considering all Life and what is truly best, which is me developing my character and my awareness of who I am, my relationship with others, the consequences of what I am accepting and allow, all from the starting point of Life, not energy

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am all-perfect and sinless, when I am not, I have accepted and allowed bullshit abusive patterns that I now correct and I will stand as this source of correction for others, always and in all ways directing us to what is best Long Term

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that it is best to just blindly follow authority, which it is in fact NOT best to just blindly follow authority, in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust myself to actually direct myself to what is best, regardless of what the ‘authority’ says or what criticism I face, as I now realize Self-Directive Principle is the most important, and when directing myself in Principle, I can actually be free to do what is best, otherwise I am just abdicating Life Authority for Energy Authority, which has happened Until Here, No Further

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react emotionally with negative emotional attachment to feedback from others, where others are just stating something that may or may not be true, but by me not being Here and living as the directive principle, THAT is what the correction must be, not just the acceptance and forgiveness of fear/avoidance/criticism-criticized polarity, I can/will/must stand as Life Authority and in Self-Corrective Application HERE

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have failed to see/realize/understand that who I am is Life, and that standing as Life will trigger many people and I must develop thick skin and a knowingness of what I am doing is right, therefore neutralizing any negative emotional attachment from my reaction to words/resonance/feedback of others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place others on a pedestal, whether they are friends/family/authority or whatever I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that is outside of just equality and oneness as Life, within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have refused to see the oneness and equality of Life within me and literally every other Living absolute individual, and that I have abdicated responsibility to direct our relationships always and in all ways to what is best for all Life now and forevermore, which I now am committed to doing no matter what it takes

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have failed to see/realize/understand the gift within the teacher yelling at me and telling me to get a red card, that I now see myself in my acceptances and allowances and the limitations of these and how I have accepted and allowed inferiority to authority, until Here no further

When and as I notice myself living as inferiority and avoiding confrontation with authority, I stop and I breathe

I realize that I am Here in oneness and equality with and as Life

I realize that others will attempt to criticize and judge and belittle the actions I take, and the feedback from others is ALWAYS a gift, as I can use their feedback to direct myself to what is best

When and as I notice myself putting others on a pedestal and treating them and their feedback as being ‘greater than’ me, I stop and I breathe, I realize that I am the directive authority of Life and that in oneness and equality, the words and communication I have with others can and will ALWAYS be directed to what is best by me breathing, applying self-forgiveness and correcting myself within Self-Corrective Application

I realize that the emotional charge of getting feedback from others is not necessarily criticism, it is just feedback, and as Visibly Living the Principles, I direct myself and integrate the feedback to do what is best always and in all ways

I realize that I can breathe and be gentle with myself and trust myself to learn, as there is MUCH learning required to do what is best for all Life, so any feedback that I know is actually valuable, even if it is with a mistake I have made, I now enjoy the process of receiving the feedback because I know it is me directing myself and accumulating more responsibility and wisdom to direct myself in the best ways, always and in all ways

I realize that as I am now aware of the benefit of criticism/feedback, I will be able to give feedback to others directly, and I will prove this to myself therefore the secret mind can really begin to be eradicated

I commit myself to welcome feedback and to integrate all feedback and direct it to what is best for all Life

I commit myself to roll with the punches AS LIFE, and to remember I am antifragile and I get stronger each and every day breath by breath from my interaction with the environment and others

I commit myself to support others to be antifragile

I commit myself to skillfully giving feedback and support to others, which is giving as I want to receive

I commit myself to give feedback as I want to receive feedback

I commit myself to continue to dig and find the gifts within my negative/positive emotional attachments and memories

I commit myself to expose, eradicate and eliminate everything within me that is not best for all Life

I commit myself to breathe and go one step at a time