Day 28: Why I Welcome Uncertainty

Uncertainty

I notice I have apprehension in a few areas of my life, and it will be best to write these out.

I have lived the vast majority of my life unaware of certainty even being possible, real certainty.

As I reflect on uncertainty, I am brought back to some of my first memories.

I remember being dropped off at a baby-sitter’s home, we walked through the screen door. I did not know what the situation was that I was going into. My mom was with me. We were on the screen porch approaching the door. I was small compared to the room. I was small compared to the door. I remember my mom was behind me. I was walking slowly. This was my memory of uncertainty, as I did not know what was to come as I was being dropped off at this home.

I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to come from the starting point of fear while approaching the door, within this I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to have participated in fear of loss unnecessarily, as it IS possible to approach the unknown without fear, it just takes one to have Self-Trust and a high vocabulary to be able to trust oneself to navigate the situation, communicate as necessary to then reach understanding as to how one will direct oneself and others to what is best from the unknown situation. Part of Self-Trust is realizing failure will happen, yet one will stand and learn from the failure and redirect oneself, therefore Self-Trust is best and fear is irrelevant aside from the physiological response within common sense, yet even within this, one can breathe and move forward within Self-Trust.

I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to place the authority outside of myself, as my mom and the babysitter, and therefore abdicated my responsibility and failed to establish the relationship in oneness and equality as fellow humans

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have failed to understand that I will prove myself as Life Authority within and as equality and oneness, it just takes time and consistent Self-Honesty and Self-Corrective Application

I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to have come from the starting point of energy and emotion, rather than stability, within principle as Life, to just breathe and direct myself, as that is the best way to approach the unknown WITH certainty, that one will be able to direct oneself to what is best in the situation

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have failed to distinguish between unknown and uncertain, where unknown is a certainty of Life, there will ALWAYS be unknowns, however uncertain implies that one does not have Self-Trust, to navigate amidst the unknowns and to direct oneself despite there being unknowns

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have refused to investigate why I do not 100% fully trust myself at this point in time

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I investigate my self-trust (and the lack thereof) that I will open up a can of worms/pandora’s box that will take the rest of my life to figure out, so I have chosen ignorance instead of investigating and uncovering truth, until Here no Further

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have failed to see that the original memory of me as a child walking to the door of my babysitter was the first memory where I doubted myself and the outcome of a situation, where there was an unknown and I did not trust what was going to happen, within this I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to equate trust in others with Self-Trust, which they are not the same

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that it is even possible to trust others immediately, when in reality, trust is built over time and with evidence that the other is trustworthy, through understanding their principles and connecting over time

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not clarify that I do have a basic level of trust of humans, yet this must be clarified through my own Self-Honesty and Self-Trust, to be able to direct my relationships with others from the base level of trust, to improvement and even higher levels of trust, which will take time, yet I trust myself within this process

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that it is even possible to trust oneself immediately, when in reality, self-trust is built over time and with evidence that oneself is trustworthy, with establishing one’s basic principles, with honoring one’s word, and practically living this in a verifiable and legitimate way where certainty is established as proof that can be articulated and expressed as to exactly WHY one is trustworthy

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to break trust with others, by not honoring my word, or my agreements, and within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the consequences and consequence outflows of breaking trust, for which I am 100% responsible and committed to re-establishing myself as Trustworthy, through Visibly Living the Principles of doing what is Best for all Life, within Self-Honesty and Self-Trust, where others will know I am trustworthy because it is who I am within myself to Live as Self-Trust within Self-Honesty within doing what is best for all Life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to break trust with myself, by not honoring my word, my agreements, and for my ignorance of what I have accepted and allowed myself to become, within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have refused to see/realize/understand and prove that I can and will establish Self-Trust, as I am Living Words, all within Self-Honesty and doing what is Best for All Life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have failed to see the connection between Self-Trust and uncertainty in my Life, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accumulate consequences and consequence outflows from my lack of Self-Trust and thus the Living of the word Uncertainty in my Life, for which I now take 100% responsibility

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have failed to see/realize/understand the best definition of uncertainty, which within my Self-Trust and Self-Honesty: Uncertainty = the Unknown which is a Gift of Life, where Self can Prove Self as Life to be Trustworthy or Not

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have failed to see that tests from and as Life are actually gifts because it is a test and true indicator of real change, whether one chooses perfection or imperfection, it will be proved in the test, and the aftermath of the test, where another and another will come until the change is lived and verifiable - therefore I welcome the uncertainty (the unknowns), as I know it is a gauntlet of Self-Trust and Who I AM in any and all situations

When and as I notice myself reacting to uncertainty, I stop and I breathe

I realize that uncertainty is just the unknown, where through my Self-Trust and my development of who I am and the words that I Live as, I will prove to myself that I am trustworthy as Life

I realize patience is required

I realize there are many consequences and consequence outflows that have happened from my abdication of responsibility, so one by one I correct them all

I realize using TechnoTutor to build my vocabulary is building my Self-Trust as I know that I am equipping myself to be as prepared as possible for the unknown situations that WILL arise, therefore I have certainty in my approach because I have certainty in the principles and Who I AM, as Life that will show up day after day after day until the work is done

Therefore, I commit myself to continually daily walk the process of Self-Forgiveness and Self-Corrective Application

I commit myself to Self-Honestly reflect on my past situations to see where I have chosen imperfection and avoidance and abdication of responsibility

I commit myself to re-write my entire past from the starting point of 100% Life Authority, where I can and will do what is best always and in all ways, no matter how long it takes

I commit myself to continually use TechnoTutor to increase my processing ability and build my vocabulary to effect true change within my Life and the World, as I establish Self-Trust and Trustworthiness with others, more and more and more

I commit myself to breathe through any fear of the unknown, and to practically approach the situation within and as common sense in the context of what is best for all Life

I commit myself to embrace uncertainty as the gauntlet it is to test/challenge/provoke me, where I will PROVE I am Life

I commit myself to Life

I commit myself to true Self-Perfection and Self-Creation, amidst any unknown and uncertainty, as I trust myself, my commitments and who I am as Life