Day 29: Hope

Within this writing I redefine Hope. This comes from an event that happened today, then I wrote it out and uncovered the root memory. So the writing of the Self-Forgiveness is focused on the original memory, as that has released the energetic charge of today which is a perceived failure, which is now a gift I can say in 100% Self-Honesty it really is. Day 29 - Hope I feel bad about a perceived failure today

I feel that we failed I have participated in hope.
I am upset with how long this is taking to be successful with building this next level of my business.

I am upset with how slow it is taking to get the next wave of the team and culture off the ground

I am happy with the progress we have made

I am not yet at the point of extreme confidence through the entire process, yet I choose to not doubt. I choose to write through this. I choose to breathe and to trust myself and to honor my own Self-Honesty where I KNOW that this really IS possible to persevere, I just need to investigate WTF is this next layer within my mind-consciousness system I am peeling back.

I know building desire within myself and others matters

I must become master of influence and selling

I remember my first memory of selling was getting mom and dad to be cool with me getting axe body spray

But this is not even the point, it is deeper than my first memory of selling and ‘making progress’ toward a goal that has to do with sales/influence

It is in other people letting me down. In me placing hope in others to do something, where I am abdicating responsibility. Yet ALSO it is within me having ineffective expectations of others, and learning what is realistic with empowering a movement to happen.

Patience is required. But it is wise patience…

In reality this just takes WAY more time and dedication and focus… I can honestly say this. YET I can and will also look at how I am responsible for who I am within this process of getting everything moving on the next level.

This is about placing hope in other people.

This is in general about hope.

My first memory of HOPE overall

I put hope in having a sleepover with my friend Rob and it didn’t happen

I remember specifically calling Rob and hearing we couldn’t have the sleep over because it didn’t line up with our parents’ schedules

I felt disappointed, I felt sad, I felt dejected.

I remember looking SO FORWARD to the sleep over as we would have so much fun

I remember hoping and praying that my parents would change their mind and we could actually have the sleep over. I participated in the energy of hope, and it CRASHED hard and I felt so sad.

I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to place hope in a situation that was contingent on other people making decisions that I did not have full control over, within this I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to not practically look at the entire situation from the starting point of what is actually best, thus allowing myself to direct the situation, when in reality I had just abdicated responsibility and participated in hope, until Here no further

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have failed to see that I have participated in the pattern of hope when other people have their free will, within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have failed to see that I can influence others from the starting point of what is best, and within my self-honesty, I can direct the situation to what is best, yet this requires self-forgiveness as I know my mind-consciousness system does things from the self-interested point of view, so this is why I walk my process, within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have refused to see/realize/understand that hope and energy has nothing to do with physical reality, and the real place to put my focus that is best is on me refining myself and my self-honesty so I can actually trust myself in situations where I can direct myself and others as needed to what is best, no hope required

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have participated in charging up the energy with imagination and fantasies in my mind consciousness system of how things ‘could be’, which the higher I build, the harder I fall and crash

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have failed to understand what it looks like to eradicate hope and not need to go into the character of hoping/hopeful

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to waste my energy and Life force on hope, when hope is merely a mind-consciousness system aspect, it is based solely in energy, it is not real and it is not best, as hope has nothing to do with reality and is just a mind-parasite that is sucking energy and distracting me from taking real practical action to do what is actually best in the situation

I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to not have a clear starting point within my activities and my planning with Rob, in this I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to not remain practical in my decision making and my self-conduct within and as my activity, from deciding to want to have the sleep over, to then taking the practical action of calling Rob, and then waiting for us to be able to have the ‘ok’ from our parents (the decision makers) to then being told NO

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have not understood the gift of NO

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have refused to see that when there is a NO, that is actually good, because it allows me to clarify what I want to create, and then within this there is an opportunity to backup my desire and intention with action, which is me further strengthening myself as a real Self-Directive Human that is a living example of what is best, that must be exercised just like a muscle, and nurtured just like a plant, where the NO is actually food/fuel/nurturance, yet I as LIFE will persist until success is HERE, and I will come to fruition and share the seeds for the further process that is Life expanding beyond any and all limitations

I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to stop when I heard no from my parents and Rob’s parents to not “ok” our sleep over

I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to have refused to see/realize/understand the reality and possibility of perseverance, even if it was uncomfortable emotionally, that I could have persevered but I did not, within this I forgive myself that I just accepted and allowed fear and limitation and stopping, when in reality, I could have stopped and breathed and redirected myself and the situation to what is best

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have given up on myself, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have failed to see that temporarily stopping, breathing, then directing myself in the moment is the REAL GIFT that is here within my process, where anything that is hope is OKAY to be crushed, as I now understand reality where I will CONTINUALLY stand as Life, as many times as is necessary to thus PROVE and STAND as LIFE forevermore, no hope needed

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not have understood the gift of my hopes being crushed

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have failed to see that the process of hoping, then having the hopes be crushed is just an unneeded pattern that I have accepted and allowed until Here no further

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have failed to redefine hope in a way that is best for all Life and is supportive of all Life, until now where:

Hope = Trust and Honor in Self as the Physical.

Trust because I trust myself as Life to do what is best, time and time again forevermore.

Honor because the attitude of unconditional regard for Life as the physical is just that, it’s unconditional, no hope/praying needed, just respect/reverence/consistently giving and forgiving forevermore

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust myself to understand the best relationship with Rob where perhaps the sleepover was best, or perhaps a different day and different activity was best, that the starting point within the relationship should have been agreement within ourselves, each other, and our parents as we were children and needed the ‘ok’ from our parents, where we could all come into agreement and clear understanding and expectation of what is actually best, therefore within this, it is possible to trust because it is clear what the real agreement is, so the proper conduct can be understood and acted on, where any violation of the agreement is able to be brought to attention, made aware of, and then redirected to what is best within and as the agreement as Life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have failed to Honor myself and Rob and our parents as Life, where there is a consistent giving of unconditional love (which is giving as one wants to receive) as supporting Life as Physical Reality, where we do not need energy/mind-games like Hope and expectation, rather the real focus is just on giving within principle, because that is the starting point: Honor as giving and doing what is best, always and in all ways

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that hope and possibility is best, when in reality it is NOT best, based in the definition of hope being for something that is possible, because this is an abdication of responsibility, when in reality now I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have refused to have taken 100% responsibility over what is in my control, what I am able to do, how I am able to direct the situations I am in, and just stand as Life as this stability, without the unneeded ups and downs of emotions, feeling let down, feeling dejected and sad of what is happening in my reality, rather just ALWAYS coming back to what is the gift within the present, clarifying what I want, clarifying my starting point as Life through writing, breath, self-forgiveness and self-awareness, then Living as Self-Trust and the Self-Directive Principle to always do what is best, always and in all ways, continually applying myself over and over and over and over until the world is actually best for all Life forevermore

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to unconsciously, subconsciously and consciously feel let down when there is a possibility of something happening, and it does not happen as I expected, in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have failed to redefine ‘expect’ in a way that is best for all Life, until Now

Expect = antifragile planning

Antifragile planning because expectation is necessary as a human to plan and strategize, yet antifragile because if the plan does not go according to plan, I trust myself as Life to actually direct the situation within my Self-Honesty and within my Principles to what is best because my starting point is what is best so I must just apply myself over and over within principle and the plan/expectations/hopes/Life all merges together Here as Life and my Self-Directive Will through everything and anything I do

When and as I notice myself feeling ‘let down’ I stop and I breathe

I realize that being let down is actually fueling the anti-fragility as it is me becoming more robust in my understanding of how reality works, how I can apply myself even more effectively and how I can be a Living example of standing as Life even if a plan/expectations do not turn out as planned/expected, that I can stop and breathe, and I can actually direct the entire situation as Life where we learn from it because I am clear on my starting point. This is profound, as I am doing what is best and trusting myself fully in this process, in brutal Self-Honesty and within and as the Principles.

I realize that Hope = Trust + Honor and I do trust myself and I do honor myself as Life, so therefore any hope is really just the process of applying myself over time and integrating feedback and failing more and more so I can win more and more and thus effectively create a world that is best for all Life as I am Living as what is best for all Life, and I trust that and I honor that fully

I realize that expectation = antifragile planning where planning is necessary to build/grow anything, and if the plan falls apart or others (outside of my control) do something unexpected, this is actually a gift because I am responsible for navigating the situation and converting/transforming/directing everything to what is actually best within and as my Self-Honesty breath by breath and who I become in this process is the best version of myself and there is literally no other version of myself that I want to be or that I will accept and allow, I am HERE as LIFE and I have one Lifetime to prove this, which I will prove over and over and over until ALL stand Here equal as Life

Therefore, I commit myself to realize and Live within and as ABSOLUTE CONTROL over my stability as who I am in breath and my Self-Directive Will and application of myself within and as my principles

I commit myself to replace any fantasies and imagination of “how things can go” and “how things could have gone” with practical assessment of what is Here, what is my responsibility and what does true Honor/Trust practically look like in and as Antifragile Living where each and every single event in my Life is an opportunity to Live as a Living Example of what is best for all Life, breath by breath by breath by breath

I commit myself to support others to redefine hope within complete responsibility as Life, where no hope is needed, in reality we just Live Here as Life within trust of the process and ourselves where we maintain the Self-Directive Principle to apply ourselves over and over as Life to create a world that is best for all Life, where anything less than this is unacceptable, so this is also my commitment - that any participation in hope (from the starting point of energy/lacking full responsibility) will be trapped and eradicated and we will stand together as Life, antifragile, robust, collectively supporting each other, honoring each other, all in Self-Honesty, taking literally as much responsibility as possible and being aware of what we can control, so we can and will Live Here as Life, doing what is best for all Life, always and in all ways, forevermore