Day 39 - Details

Details…

Such magnificence in the details.. Like nice food, noticing patterns in nature, or in music, the fine details that make something exquisite and a beautiful presentation and representation of Life

Yet also the avoidance of the details…… like when I clean up my apartment and there is little specks of stuff on the floor that I then participate in backchat, where I am saying “do I really need to clean that up? Well if I clean that up then that means I have to do that other cleaning too.. Like clean my mirror and the specks on the mirror, so why am I going to waste so much time cleaning that up and then if I were to do that other cleaning too, then I’m not going to have any time to really be productive today…” (failing to see that THAT is the real productivity for me) Complete mind-ego BS 

There is a gift in the details and I have held it off for too long, time for giving …

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept and allow the avoidance of looking at and addressing and resolving the details within my Life experience and in this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the avoidance of the realization of who I am as Life in equality and oneness with All that is Here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a threshold in my mind when I investigate the details with detail and specificity, where when a certain amount of energy boils over, I just accept and allow myself to give up and stop caring about the details because I am fed up and I feel uncomfortable and I then talk myself out of why I need to address the details any more, instead of PRE-COMMITTING to focusing on the details as I know that who I become in this process of addressing the details completely will actually be the best version of myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have believed that there are too many details to focus on in my life, that any focus on the details “more than feels good” is a waste of time, where I now forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have failed to realize that I really do not trust myself to be able to dig into the details, to resolve the point completely, and then to “come out back” and ‘pick up’ where I “left off” before I noticed the details (that I knew deep down would be best to resolve), so within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have failed to realize that picking a specific point to address the details of, then working the details through to a self-honest point of completion/resolution, that this methodology IS actually practical, because it is “one point at a time” so this allows for the factoring in of reality where maybe I only do have a limited amount of time to address the detail, so I can at least just do that one point, complete it and then that opens up the next point, where then one by one by one by one the entire reality begins changing, not instantly all at once, but it is also change in an instant of the decision, because it is instant change when I go into the point through Self-Forgiveness and commit myself to work through it and then actually do work through it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have failed to realize/see/understand that WHO I become in this process of investigating the details and working through the details point by point is actually the birthing of a better and better version of myself as the details are a point that I have avoided and left unexamined, so there is something to be learned from REALLY thoroughly working the point to completion/resolution, in developing overall who I am and my Self-Honest Self-Trust

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have left my floor in my apartment to be very dusty and the details of the dust are a reminder that I do not resolve the details completely, so 24/7 unconsciously in my mind, I have the conflict/friction/energy generation of ‘I do not handle the details completely’ running in my backchat and my unconscious, and then occasionally brought to my conscious when I am Here and looking at my practical reality in front of me, I cannot escape the details, so I now choose to not escape them but deal with them within practicality and common sense, as this IS my responsibility

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have failed to see/realize/understand and investigate what common sense looks like within looking at the details and noticing the details to bring them to completion/resolution, where I realize practically I can never have a 100% absolutely completely spotless floor in my apartment, it is not possible to “keep” it that way even if I were to hire the best cleaning service, the fact is Life is messy at least at this point in time, so rather it is about Self-Honesty and Who I Am within the addressing/resolving of the details that is what matters

I forgive myself that I have avoided the cleaning of the floor, making the excuses that the swiffer mop does not work very well, when in reality that excuse is just a reflection of myself ‘not working very well’ where I didn’t take the time to honor myself and my space to actually practically investigate within common sense how the swiffer mop actually works and picks up the details of the dust/particles on the ground

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have rushed through the one swiffer mop cleaning session that I took responsibility to do, where the entire time my mind-backchat was saying ‘this sucks this sucks this sucks why am I doing this? Why is this important? This sucks this sucks”, instead of BREATHING and BEING HERE, realizing the truth that THE WAY I DO ANYTHING IS THE WAY I DO EVERYTHING. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I take cleaning very seriously and I begin moving couches or standing on counters to get the ‘hard to reach details’ that I will end up losing myself and go literally insane in the process of cleaning and getting my attention all consumed in the experience of cleaning, failing to realize the common sense and the fact that I can always breathe and apply common sense reasoning to what is practical for cleaning the apartment and addressing the details to a point of what is actually best long-term within the context the details within the context of what is best for all Life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I need to intake stimulation in order to have the energy necessary to investigate the details

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that investigating the details is boring and therefore the details are not worthy of investigation, failing to see that boredom is of NO indication of what is actually best, as boredom is just an energetic experience/lack of high-intense energy, which has no bearing on what is actually best within Principle

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I have to be hard on myself in the digging into the resolution of the details, failing to see/realize/understand that being gentle with myself in digging into the resolution of the details is absolutely possible and I will prove this to myself over time through my living of my commitments

I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to have failed to realize that the way I do anything is the way I do everything, so therefore going deep into the details is best because that same tenacity of me in my expression of who I am as Life in 100% complete responsibility as Life for Life and investigating the utmost cutting edge of taking responsibility, that THIS expression of Life as Who I AM is best and therefore prioritizing my schedule and my days to incorporate the reality that sometimes I will spend hours going deep into the details, because THIS IS MY REAL GROWTH EDGE, where I can now Prove to myself that I can dig deep, I can uncover/discover and truly understand who I am in REAL self-honesty, through something like mopping the floor or cleaning the mirror

I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to rush cleaning up and avoid cleaning the details ever since I was a child and had my chores/responsibilities to clean my room with the vacuum, within this I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to have failed to see the gift within my chores/vacuuming, as the opportunity for the establishment of myself in and as common sense responsibility for who I am and what I do, where EVERYTHING I do can and be sufficient and perfectly in alignment with common sense, through the CONTINUAL perfection of who I am in my responsibilities, not abdicating responsibility to ANYONE else, rather Living the Principles and utilizing Agreements as when it is Self-Honestly best, NOT accepting and allowing any limitation of Who I AM

I forgive myself that  i have accepted and allowed myself to have failed to see that the chores/responsibilities will continue throughout my lifetime, it’s not like a magical ‘do it enough and it will never need to be cleaned again’ type situation, because that type of thinking is the laziness that we have accepted and allowed collectively that is behind the trend of plastic/single use silverware, dishes, consumerism, where we abdicate the responsibility of practical use of resources from the Earth from durable goods that are life-supporting, to single-use waste because we do not want to deal with the details of the cleaning/organizing of a system that is actually best for all Life, so within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have failed to see that by me rushing and avoiding the details of what I am doing and what I CAN be doing to support a world that is best for all Life, that I am actively participating and adding to the energy that is the collective mind-consciousness system and world-system of money of consumerism, single-use, avoidance of details and shirking responsibility, UNTIL HERE NO FURTHER

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place blame outside myself specifically in my cleaning, where someone else made something dirty and therefore I am somehow entitled to not clean up after them and ‘resolve the details’ which is BS, I can either clean it up, or I can talk with the other to have it cleaned up, either way it is my responsibility to direct myself or the other to clean it up AND to then establish a long-term solution to either being proactive and/or consistently and effectively and efficiently cleaning it up/resolving the details within common sense and what is best for all Life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have failed to realize and investigate deeper the Principle of Prevention and Proactivity, where I can come from the starting point of what is best for all Life and thus PREVENT a lot of the detailed BS that emerges in the future that is not best, because when I am proactive in building systems and applying myself effectively, I can effectively prevent many of details that are not best, and I can proactively ensure they are resolved and cleaned up, either through preventing them from happening or from having a system in place to ensure they’re cleaned up efficiently 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to avoid facing the details and resolving them because I did not want to be labeled as a neat-freak or someone who is anal and excessively clean, so within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take pride in the self-identificaiton as someone who does not care, and someone who is not super-clean and does not care if I am messy as if this is legitimate to be glamorized where I am somehow ‘better than’ the ultra-clean people because I care less, Until Here no Further

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have based my behavior (and my specificity and detail in who I am and what I do) in anything/anyone outside of my self and the Principles of what is best for all Life

When and as I notice myself avoiding the details I stop and I breathe

I realize that diving into the details will show me more about myself because it is the exploration of the depth of who I am, not just surface level skimming

I realize that going into the details is able to be done within common sense so I can trust myself to dig deep, resolve the point, learn from it so it need to replay itself, and then I can also ‘come back out’ of the details and progress in the overall picture as well, as the details and the overall are equal and one

I realize that detail and specificity in my process is supportive of me realizing what is really going on Here and Realizing my Real Self as Life

I realize that detailed writing will continue to develop provided I write within Self-Honesty and continually day after day willing to go deeper and deeper, because detailed writing is the true way forward to uncover the depth of who I am

I realize that the details are part of ALL of Life that is Here, so the avoidance I had of them was the avoidance of all that is Here, so good thing I’m writing this out thoroughly…

I realize digging into the details and resolving them, like cleaning my apartment or writing Self-Forgiveness is ALL 100% my responsibility

Therefore I commit myself to continually writing out the details within and as my Self-Forgiveness and the Living the Change within and as my Self-Corrective Application, in DETAIL

I commit myself to show myself that I can address the details in any and every environment within practical Self-Honest Common Sense, to look at what is best

I commit myself to show myself that this process of investigating the details will really open up the next level/layer within me of Self-Trust, Self-Honesty and Self-Responsibility

I commit myself to show myself and the world that attention to detail is supportive of all Life as collectively we able to become aware of the extent of our acceptances and allowances, then through the extensive detailed and specific Self-Forgiveness, the answers will emerge to what is best to do and where we have limited ourselves

I commit myself to show myself how we can collectively actually Live the Change through the small details in our Lives, taking responsibility on the micro-scale, so in turn and over time we can take full responsibility on the macro-scale as we learn to trust and honor ourselves and all of Life

I commit myself to prove to myself that I can trust myself always and in all ways, and thus the world will begin to reflect this self-trust to me down to the detail and specificity that I investigate and apply in my process - which I am committing to ALL THE WAY in practical common sense